The strains of sustaining the central family fire in a consumer family are more often signs of these trying times than our inadequacies or inexperience as parents. Until a century ago, and in many places far more recently, the family depended for its health on continuous exchanges with extended family, neighbors and a local community. […]
health
Overparenting and social monoculture
Parenting implodes in a social monoculture. The social ecology we’ve depended on as parents until recently, is today many times frail and tattered. There is little social cohesion around our homes, few of us have a living community in which to plant our children. In a few generations, the communal life that held our children […]
Let your child teach you how to move
Why did I tell my youngest boy to sit still at dinner? What possible reason would make sense here? “You can hurt yourself if you fall backwards.” “Your body needs to be calm while eating.” “You’re distracting others from their food.” Yes, sure, possibly, perhaps, maybe. More likely it’s because as a child I myself […]
You are not a father, not a mother
You are not a father or a mother. You are not a carpenter or a yoga teacher or a gardener. You are not a role-player, a work-title, a position or a label. You’re a spider. A fool. A rain drop. You are a nebula. A becoming. A being. A part of a greater whole. Easy […]
Turn your family into a rebellious island of sanity
Start the revolution by making your family home a rebellious island of sanity and insane possibility. Create a home that’s your getaway, a place so good, so relaxing, so full of life that you have no desire to fly off to another distant promised land on a holy-day at an all-inclusive coddling factory. Tend the […]
Too much support for the sapling topples the tree
A newly planted sapling needs stakes to support it against strong winds. If you leave the stakes in too long, though, the tree suffers. It grows taller, but its roots don’t spread. When the stakes are removed, the tree is thin and weak, and breaks or falls in the first storm. Too many stakes prevent […]
Time for yourself
The arrival of a baby changes all relationships, including our relationship with time. Our days, and hearts, reorganize to tend to this new, tender life. One day we feel a tinge of panic, and realize we are losing our autonomy. We have hardly any time for ourselves. Listen to that tinge and take it seriously. […]
Flow with your child’s impulse
It’s so easy to miss. Your child says ‘Hey, let’s go check out the tadpoles’, and for some reason, known or unknown, you say no, sweetie, not now. And the moment passes, maybe for the summer. You have good reasons for not always indulging your child–chores, time, priorities, limits, plans, desires. But there are times […]