Is your boy approaching adolescence?

Grassroots Rites of Passage Starter Kit

It is full of resources to help you lay the foundations for transforming your son from a boy into a young man. In it you’ll get: My occasional newsletter; The Grassroots Rite of Passage workbook; A discount code for upcoming group programs; The full recording of my Signature Workshop (with 60 minute Q&A). All full of musings and practical ideas on rites of passage for your son, plus a useful assessment for taking an honest look at where you are in all of it.

Approaching puberty

Boy at a threshold, parents on edge

If you’re the parent of a boy stepping toward his teenage years you might be feeling on edge.

Your son is nearing a profound threshold that separates boyhood from personhood.

He is sensitive, beautiful, wild, and passionate. Yet these are challenging times. You may notice his joy dimming, the sparkle in his eyes flickering, and a growing estrangement that troubles you.

There’s so much in the world tempting him away from his innate love of life—and you wonder how he will fare.

This is time when many of us worry and struggle to let go and watch him head out further and further on a path of his own making.

There seems so little that is familiar and known to us, and so few people to lean on to take over where our reach ends.

You wish you had a map, trusted guidance or communal support for transforming your boy into a resilient and joyful young man entering adulthood with an abiding love for life, and an eager willingness to serve… but you look around your community and it just isn’t there (even if you’ve worked towards it for years).

The situation is heartbreaking, but it isn’t broken. There is nothing to mend, but a lot to get present to.

Let me introduce myself…

My name is Miki Dedijer. I help depth‑oriented parents move from a fear that their boy is slipping away, into standing beside him as he approaches adolescence, by engaging others in holding a rite of passage for him in community, so they can rest assured that they’ve done their best to help him step into young manhood with his sense of wonder and vitality intact.

How do I know all of this so well? I lived it.

I raised my two boys on a well-visited farm on the west coast of Sweden, where we ran workshops for children, practiced permaculture, and hosted community gatherings.

When the time came, I entrusted them to a few generous and wise friends, who guided my boys through a rites of passages. These weren’t perfect proceedings, but they were worthy. I learned a lot from it of what to do and what not to do.

Over the years, I’ve started several men’s groups, volunteered as a leader with men’s organisations, and I’ve met so many men who wish they had been initiated at adolescence, and lament that they weren’t. It’s a realization and admission of great pain to many.

I help families offer their boys such a welcome at adolescence, so they come of age with a sense of belonging to life, and an understanding of the obligations that go with it. You can read more about my story here.

WE MIGHT LIKE EACH OTHER A LOT IF YOU…

are a farmer, a gardener, a nature-lover, a storyteller, a craftsperson, an artist or in other ways active in healing relationships and bringing people together through crafts and creativity.
want your son to know the joys of gathering by a fireside, not only by screens
believe resilience in uncertain times is based on mutual dependency, deep friendships, and feeding an intergenerational social ecology.
you have some experience of sitting in men’s groups or women’s groups, grief rituals, and seasonal celebrations in community you seek
delight in crochet, woodworking, pottery, fermentation, planting seeds, and other hand crafts

value active participation in the culture we make, rather than being a passive, consumer of prefab entertainment.
enjoy creating family rituals and traditions that brings all of your loved ones together in meaningful ways to remember and to celebrate life in all its forms
delight in cooking and serving people meals made from local, seasonal produce
are passionate in seeing a shift not just in your son, but for your culture to, so that future children will have a chance at something closer to a full rite of passage
tend to community as it’s the soil in which all of our children will grow towards adulthood.
you volunteer when possible, engage in local resiliency, and your son has at some point attended Waldorf, Montessori or other alternatives to mainstream schooling

Grassroots initiation for boys

A Neighborhood rite of passage for families

Grassroots initiation is a guided journey for family and community where you recognize your parental limits and reach out to ask for help from friends, neighbors and kin as your son approaches the end of boyhood, and your family undergoes profound changes.

The intention isn’t to shield your son from life’s inevitable challenges, but through a communal tending to his growing heart, situate him in a wider context of belonging and service to life.

A clear and communal ending to childhood marks the beginning of your son’s learning to be a responsible, engaged participant in life’s vast web.

Deeply rooted in kinship, he learns the resilience to face life as a man—long after he leaves home and your protective reach.

A future to live for
I would trust Miki with my life, and certainly with the powerful mentoring of boys, young men and their fathers. Miki’s parenting of his two sons is a continual inspiration to me. Over the last 5 years, I’ve received the support of Miki’s wisdom and witnessed his comittment and courage in building healthy eco-systems to offer our young ones a future to live for.
Maeve Gavin

HERE’S WHERE TO GO NEXT

time to bRING IT HOME

We’ve grown used to outsourcing our most sacred moments—births, weddings, funerals—to professionals and institutions. It’s efficient, it works, but we loose a valuable chance to participate in meaningful transitions in a way that fosters culture and belonging.

So my wish for families is that rites of passage for our boys returns home to community.

But you likely have neither the time nor the energy to figure this out from scratch or on your own, nor should you.

I’m here to help you and your community create such home-grown rite of passage for your son.

If you are keen to learn more, I have three possibilities for you.

Your Starter Kit.

Get this overview of the fundaments of preparing your son, family and community for your boy’s coming of age.

Fireside Thursday.

Participate in a 90-minute free group mentoring call once every month where we come together to wonder about rooting our boys in place and time and transform them in community into young men. (For subscribers only)

Field Work Sessions

An unusual offering of a single one-on-one session with me on your most pressing issues and questions related to your son’s coming of age, while I am outdoors.

I now know what I want to pass on to my boys.
My main challenge as a dad has been the transition from being a father of two boys to being a father of two young men. When I first talked to Miki, I told him the story of looking at my boys through my father’s eyes, which scared me a lot. I judged them unconsciously. I got lost in old patterns. Miki’s questions and his attentive listening brought up powerful commitments that helped me interact with my boys on another level.

Miki has a gift for finding the nuggets and extracting the necessary commitments to change my patterns. Out of my many words and pictures he helped me to formulate my next steps. I agreed to show myself vulnerable to my boys. They responded so well that the next steps automatically showed themselves.

After talking to them about my challenges, things shifted inside of me. I could return to looking at them in a loving non-judgmental way. It was a healing moment that allowed me to return to my original purpose as a father.

I now know what I want to pass on to my boys and what my new role as a father of young adults is. I know that not only as a man but also a father my strength lies in my vulnerability. I’ve learned that being present has little to do with spending as much time as possible with my sons. It has to do with being there in the moment and appreciating their requests, answering them with my full presence.
Chris Schorpp, Germany
Coaching Flow