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Miki Dedijer | Raising humans together

Raising humans together

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Home » relationship

relationship

Becoming a family servant

July 28, 2018 By Miki Dedijer

In a few days, a dozen or so men are gathering at our farm around a man about to become a father. So I’ve spent some time pondering what this moment asks of us, now that his life seems to be taking him away from a certain singularity awash in endless possibilities, towards an obligation […]

Spring cleaning

May 14, 2018 By Miki Dedijer

When the sun comes out again in Spring, we notice how much there is that needs a good cleaning, stuff we’ve tucked away during the dark months of winter. Psychological garbage we’ve forgotten to take out. Guck that clutters our senses. Lead weights that sink our hearts. Unmet expectations and stale resentments with a sharp […]

Beauty as gratitude

March 12, 2018 By Miki Dedijer

Beauty is made before it’s perceived. It’s decorating the dinner table with a crown of fall leaves. Singing by a fire. Hand painting a dead tree. Speaking a kind word to a stranger, Carving little jewels from elderflower branches. Gathering moss in the shape of a mandala. Dancing to the beat of a brooding storm. […]

Your secret lover

February 13, 2018 By Miki Dedijer

Your partner doesn’t know your secret lover called Plan B. Plan B is softer, more loving, doesn’t smell of onions. It has nicer parents, better health, and always agrees with the values you want to share with your child. Plan B doesn’t age. It is the other life you dream of when this one seems […]

Connect before you direct

January 16, 2018 By Miki Dedijer

Coming out of our house, I see my youngest son peeing all over our new patio. I’m incredulous, and tell him to get a bucket and wash the stones. Later I ask how come he peed there. And here’s what he tells me–he was competing with his brother to see who could pee the farthest […]

Music tunes your child’s spirit

December 28, 2017 By Miki Dedijer

In our fragmented and commercialized culture, it can be hard to know how to nurture your child’s relationship to spirit. You may not know yourself what it means for you to be a spiritual being, someone at home with all that is unknown, unseen, or beyond your understanding. You may not have an intact practice […]

Short-cut to an embrace

December 1, 2017 By Miki Dedijer

It’s hard to embrace your screaming child. Often because your child isn’t receptive when he’s enraged. Or maybe because you don’t feel very loving. That’s a hard place for a parent, knowing that right now you don’t feel affection. All you want is to match your kids anger with some of your own. Arguing doesn’t […]

Shoes, treasures and the true meaning of discipline

November 13, 2017 By Miki Dedijer

Your child isn’t listening to you. You can’t make her do as you tell her. And that can be wildly frustrating. There’s a choice here–do you enforce or do you yield? Enforcing is more of the same–power over, authoritarian parenting, hierarchies, right and wrong. But yielding, isn’t that giving up? Not if you take a […]

The cost of privacy is the loss of intimacy

November 10, 2017 By Miki Dedijer

Privacy always comes at a cost. Privacy is keeping everything to ourselves. Drawing the curtains and hiding our struggles and bewilderment to the world. Most of us keep parts of ourselves private even to ourselves–plunging them deep into our subconscious. Maybe we keep our feelings and thoughts private from our child. We might keep other […]

We can’t fix childhood

November 8, 2017 By Miki Dedijer

There’s no solution to childhood. Though you’d think there would be, as so much of childhood is seen as a problem to be fixed. My kid is too angry, doesn’t sleep, can’t sit still, doesn’t talk, talks too much, says the wrong thing, is shy, is too loud, never listens, doesn’t play, plays all the […]

Apologize before putting your child to bed

October 31, 2017 By Miki Dedijer

When the day comes to an end, you may have things that are left unsaid. You may have raised your voice and sent a slight judder through your child’s body, a tremble of fear. You may have been impatient and interrupted your child when she was immersed in play. You may have been too busy […]

Rock the boat, don’t tip the boat over

October 30, 2017 By Miki Dedijer

To remain standing on a paddle board you have to rock, move, roll. Stability requires a constant movement. Our partnership needs this movement too–arguments, disagreements, differences, misunderstandings–for there to be stability and continuous growth. Otherwise we inevitably sink into boredom, stuckness, stasis. Read comments or comment here

Every family needs a gardener

September 30, 2017 By Miki Dedijer

Every family is an ecosystem to itself, a vegetable bed set in a larger landscape of great mosaic beauty. This fertile soil in which our children grow is a complex, wondrous, wobbling weave of ancestry, biology, spirit, life stages, genders, roles, grief and losses, professions, passions, dreams, possibilities. It is so vast even in its […]

The parental paradox of discipline

September 11, 2017 By Miki Dedijer

We all want to know how to discipline our child. Sometimes this is another way of controlling our child. But discipline at heart means to teach. Our child is our disciple, a follower. To really know something, teach it. Our child is our teacher. How we teach determines what we learn. In other words, when […]

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