Coming out of our house, I see my youngest son peeing all over our new patio. I’m incredulous, and tell him to get a bucket and wash the stones. Later I ask how come he peed there. And here’s what he tells me–he was competing with his brother to see who could pee the farthest […]
conflict
Respect trumps understanding
I just spent twenty minutes in the car with a sullen son on the way to school. We didn’t speak a single word the whole ride there, until we said goodbye with a long hug. I had no idea why he was mad–maybe something to do with his mom and shoes that were too warm. […]
Short-cut to an embrace
It’s hard to embrace your screaming child. Often because your child isn’t receptive when he’s enraged. Or maybe because you don’t feel very loving. That’s a hard place for a parent, knowing that right now you don’t feel affection. All you want is to match your kids anger with some of your own. Arguing doesn’t […]
R.I.P. love
Drama doesn’t fan passions, it kills love. When every joint decision becomes a battle, you all lose. Bills, vacations, renovations, investments, bedtimes, discipline, meals. It gets too exhausting to put on the armor every time you have to reach an agreement. Sooner or later, one of you surrenders, and the other claims victory. And the […]
Rock the boat, don’t tip the boat over
To remain standing on a paddle board you have to rock, move, roll. Stability requires a constant movement. Our partnership needs this movement too–arguments, disagreements, differences, misunderstandings–for there to be stability and continuous growth. Otherwise we inevitably sink into boredom, stuckness, stasis. Read comments or comment here
Making room for anger
Our home needs to house our entire child, every part of her, even her anger. Her screams, tantrums, rages need a large room of their own. We create space for this out of our own familiarity with distress. We teach her where to find peace again, by knowing how to find our own peace. One […]
Rules govern every family, even when they’re unspoken
Our family rules guide our conduct, how we are with one another. They’re a vital influence on family health. The rules we live by are often unspoken, unwritten or assumed, which causes a lot of needless grief and strife and confusion. We may feel that our child is unruly. Or our partner! Yet when it […]
When your child pushes you away bring her close
A child that screams at you may be scared and yelling out for help. Shout back, and your child will feel the sting of rejection. Her trust for you will take a hit. Your relationship will be marred. Feel her fear instead, let it wash through your body. See her eyes and notice the tension […]
Crown a King or Queen to ease sibling rivalry
If you have two children or more, you’ll be familiar with siblings fighting over candy, toys, holding your hand, or most anything. It’s a tug of war that can last till morning come. Or more likely, until you simply can’t take it any longer and you either yell enough, or step in to sort out […]