Coming out of our house, I see my youngest son peeing all over our new patio. I’m incredulous, and tell him to get a bucket and wash the stones. Later I ask how come he peed there. And here’s what he tells me–he was competing with his brother to see who could pee the farthest […]
acting out
Respect trumps understanding
I just spent twenty minutes in the car with a sullen son on the way to school. We didn’t speak a single word the whole ride there, until we said goodbye with a long hug. I had no idea why he was mad–maybe something to do with his mom and shoes that were too warm. […]
Short-cut to an embrace
It’s hard to embrace your screaming child. Often because your child isn’t receptive when he’s enraged. Or maybe because you don’t feel very loving. That’s a hard place for a parent, knowing that right now you don’t feel affection. All you want is to match your kids anger with some of your own. Arguing doesn’t […]
Lifeline
A ship trails a lifeline in its wake for the safety of its passengers. It’s a precaution wise captains take, drawing on thousands of years’ experience with the high seas. The latest breathing technique, meditation video, yoga posture or parenting tool is of little use when your 8 year old is sulking, your 4-year old […]
Making room for anger
Our home needs to house our entire child, every part of her, even her anger. Her screams, tantrums, rages need a large room of their own. We create space for this out of our own familiarity with distress. We teach her where to find peace again, by knowing how to find our own peace. One […]
The tears of futility
Transformation is most likely to happen when we find ourselves in a situation we cannot change. The first step is futility–the sense that no matter what we do, nothing changes. All our strategies to get our way prove useless. Every child knows this feeling, often several times a day. He comes last in a school […]
When your child pushes you away bring her close
A child that screams at you may be scared and yelling out for help. Shout back, and your child will feel the sting of rejection. Her trust for you will take a hit. Your relationship will be marred. Feel her fear instead, let it wash through your body. See her eyes and notice the tension […]