There are a few spells around, beliefs that are so common we hardly notice their insidious impact on how we lead our lives. Like when we tell a child “You can be anything you want to be”, without us actually having any way to know what that child’s potential truly is. Potential has no definite […]
Discipline
Considered consequence
You don’t have to be the consequence visited upon your child’s choices. Let winter teach her what it’s like to rush out without putting on that extra pair of warm socks. Let molten wax on the knuckle of her pinkie teach her about a burning candle. The most loving way to parent can be to […]
Connect before you direct
Coming out of our house, I see my youngest son peeing all over our new patio. I’m incredulous, and tell him to get a bucket and wash the stones. Later I ask how come he peed there. And here’s what he tells me–he was competing with his brother to see who could pee the farthest […]
One-liners: parenting in a single sentence
“It’s only a mistake if you don’t learn from it.” My son spoke this sentence today. We were stuck with the car in an icy ditch. Foolishly, I had tried to reverse uphill on a crust of compacted snow and rain. There was a lot for me to learn here (and model too!). He’s heard […]
Short-cut to an embrace
It’s hard to embrace your screaming child. Often because your child isn’t receptive when he’s enraged. Or maybe because you don’t feel very loving. That’s a hard place for a parent, knowing that right now you don’t feel affection. All you want is to match your kids anger with some of your own. Arguing doesn’t […]
Shoes, treasures and the true meaning of discipline
Your child isn’t listening to you. You can’t make her do as you tell her. And that can be wildly frustrating. There’s a choice here–do you enforce or do you yield? Enforcing is more of the same–power over, authoritarian parenting, hierarchies, right and wrong. But yielding, isn’t that giving up? Not if you take a […]
Discipline asks that you’re clear on what you value
Discipline is teaching, and teaching works best when there’s a relationship of trust with your child. We build trustful relationships over time. It requires consistency and clarity and good role modelling. If like many parents you’re unsure how to discipline your child, start by getting clear on what your core values are. Your values are […]
The parental paradox of discipline
We all want to know how to discipline our child. Sometimes this is another way of controlling our child. But discipline at heart means to teach. Our child is our disciple, a follower. To really know something, teach it. Our child is our teacher. How we teach determines what we learn. In other words, when […]