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You are not a father, not a mother

November 18, 2017 By Miki Dedijer

You are not a father or a mother.

You are not a carpenter or a yoga teacher or a gardener.

You are not a role-player, a work-title, a position or a label.

You’re a spider. A fool. A rain drop. You are a nebula. A becoming. A being. A part of a greater whole.

Easy to forget when you’re on your belly looking for a lost sock under a dusty bed.

But important to remember for the health of your family.

When we confine ourselves to a role or define ourselves by the position we hold in a family, we exclude all else that brings us joy, insight, expansiveness, vitality.

When we see ourselves primarily as mothers or fathers, we too easily forget all the many other ways we adventure through life, all the many other ways we relate.

Confined to a parental role, we become rigid, inflexible, limited and quite likely grumpy and disgruntled.

Our child notices, watches and learns from us not what it is to be a parent, but what our ways are saying about being an adult human.

So for the sake of your child, for your family, for yourself, don’t lay yourself down at the mercy of parenthood.

Offer yourself the space to be fully human–create a home where you see yourself, your child, your partner not as a fixed position but personhood in a flux.

Feel the excitement, the curiosity, the possibilities in a family beyond roles. Just for one day, go a bit crazy and try something surprising that is beyond reasonable or the clearly sensible.

Loosen up your fixed positions and stale habits, by switching roles and trading chores. If you’re a father call yourself a mother. If you’re a mother, call yourself a father. Disolve wherever you’ve become stuck in your respective tasks, expectations and everyday patterns.

Make it a fun day full of playfulness and serious insights.

 

Let your child teach you how to move
Turn your family into a rebellious island of sanity

Filed Under: Relationship Tagged With: father, habits, health, mother

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